cd4…and in pain :(

My ChartI hate pain but I guess over the years of dealing with it day in and day out you get sort of used to it. I also hate that I cannot be a ‘normal’ woman without medication…it really sucks!! I don’t know if it’s okay to be angry about this but it makes me REALLY angry that I have to go through this. I almost wish people would go through some sort of pain in their lives so that they can sympathize with me but then I wish this on no one! What really takes the cake is when a really close friend tells you that she has pain and she deals with it without medication! What sort of ‘friend’ tells you that and implies that you are just being a baby? First off, YOU AREN’T ME AND YOU DON’T FEEL WHAT I FEEL, now I feel better. You know on Grey’s they ‘dance it out’…I feel like ‘screaming it out’.

I have an appointment with the Dracula Nurse this afternoon to see if I did indeed have a miscarriage or if I was just imagining the enormous amounts of tissue coming out of me. Mind you this is the nurse that told me to just ‘give up’ and it’ll happen b/c that’s what she did. ARGH! If I didn’t have a MC than I start my new round of Clomid tomorrow and hope for the baby lottery this month.

I’m so tired of ‘trying’ it’s hard work and I’m pooped! So, wish me luck this cycle b/c I feel like I’m gonna need it. At this point I would give anything to know that I could at least get pregnant. I feel as if we’re on a never-ending set of stairs and we keep getting pushed back to the first floor of this whole TTC journey. We moved forward a bit b/c I actually ovulated but that’s as far as it ever went. Let’s pray for another step in the RIGHT direction.

Sorry for my ramblings but this is how I vent…to save my marriage the strife!

Clomid/Met/Prometrium/B6/PNV – cd9

So…this month there will be a ton of meds but hopefully it’ll all pay off in the long run. I love reading other women’t TTC blogs b/c it give me hope and helps me ’emotionally’ b/c I know other women are going through what I am going through. I know this is bad but it makes me feel better that I’m not alone. I don’t wish infertility on anyone but it’s good to know you’re not alone. I picked up my prescription of Prometrium the other day and it was in two big boxes…I didn’t know they were all suppositories!! When she told me to stick the first one up the wah-hoo I asked if the rest were oral and she said yes…so I’m a bit confused to say the least! So, starting cd16 I put 100mg vajayjay bullets in the wah-hoo twice a day until I start my next cycle (hopefully I won’t have a next cycle). The Clomid last month made me crazy to say the least, I had a few meltdowns and almost lost DH a few times to my anger/attitude. I love him, God bless him for putting up with my craziness. I’m a red-head and God only knows how he deals with it! We’re BD every other day (if not everyday) this cycle…I don’t want to miss a possible day. I bought a second-hand Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor from a lady on www.craigslist.org for only $50! They retail for over $200 plus you have to purchase the test sticks. I started using it this cycle and I got a high fertility day yesterday and today so maybe it’ll work…if not then I guess I could resell it. Anyways…at work and busy so good luck to all of you out there!! 😉

BFN!

NOT PREGGO!!!So…today I had an apt. to go over my progesterone results with the doc and she said a normal level should be over 15 and mine was at a whopping 0.8, can we say WOW?! So needless to say she switched the Provera to Prometrium to hopefully get me a higher dosage of Progesterone and hopefully sometime in the near future I’ll have a possibility of becoming even fatter with a baby. Also I was taking 50mg of Clomid but now this cycle I’m up to 100mg. Still taking the 1000mg Metformin and to my great luck (hardly ever happens) I haven’t had too many side effects and I feel so bad for the women who are puking all day long :\.

So I was looking up the Luteal Phase Defect (my doc told me this was the prob) and I found some great ideas…B6 lengthens the Luteal Phase (you can take 50mg-200mg/daily), Vitex also helps somehow (It’s a natural herb in a capsule form), Byetta is good for weight controlling (but you have to have a prescription for it), and finally I never knew there were creams you could buy to rub on a fatty part of your body (thighs, arms, stomach) to increase your Progesterone levels. I think I’m gonna take a trip to see about all these…maybe they’ll work, who knows but none will hinder so I guess it’s worth a try!