Back home and back to ‘real’ life ;(

Galveston was fun but wow was it a trip, my brother’s drove me insane!!! But in the end I have to think if that was odd in any way being that they’re my brothers! It started out stressful b/c my mom was just admitted to the hospital. She had an infection and was one of the few that bottomed out on her white blood cell count…no immune system! She insisted that we still go so we did but we were so worried for her wellness. Gabe was feeling so alone all by himself so we came home early and he finally got some rest…I’ll have some pics up later on this week (I’m at work now and shouldn’t even be blogging). Here’s one of my mom with my mini-me this past weekend at our family reunion: Mom & EJ And EJ has become this ‘hot shot’ skater…he made me take pics of him, so cute! I totally remember when I was this age and it was allllllll about me 🙂 EJ & his new board!

3 Days till Galveston!!

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I am dying to get out of here…and so excited that it’s this beautiful! A friend of mine has a time share that her family isn’t using this year so she let me have it for the week!! Since my mother is going through so much this summer there’s no way they’ll take vacation, so my brother’s and I will embark on our first solo vacation together. I am so glad to not have to show up to work for a whole week, I can’t stand this place but I’m trying to get through each day till I can find something else.

So I am on cd4, taking my last round (#8) of Clomid and thinking that it’ll never happen for me. I know not to be negative, but when you have people telling you to ‘just relax’ or ‘it’ll happen eventually’ you want to go nuts. I wish I never heard those words again, but it’s inevitable…I will, probably before the week’s over. A friend of mine just found out she’s expecting #3 and I had to hear it from someone else. The same thing happened earlier this year with another friend, she was too afraid to tell me. No one in my imediate ‘world’ gets it and I’m not sure that they ever will. So back to the Clomid, I don’t think this will be the last of us taking the meds but I do know that I want a small break from the ovulation crap. I’m still planning on taking the Metformin, I have no side effects from it and it regulates me. As for the far future I hope that we will eventually be able to afford IVF but until that happens I guess I will stay barren.

I’ve been working on some new dresses and patterns but haven’t gotten them quite squared away. I also need a chemo hat pattern, I’ve been searching and can’t find one that actually ‘works’. It’s driving me crazy and I would like to have something ready for my mother by this Friday. I read online somewhere that your hair starts to fall out 10-14 days after your first round of chemo and as of today it’s been 6 days so there’s only a few left!

Pray for my mother, she needs emotional healing and recharging. She also is feeling really low about not being able to take care of the family like she used to, cooking/cleaning/taxi driver, and submitting to us taking care of her. I pray that she can see the light at the end of the tunnel and make it through a stronger woman.

Sad Day ;(

I don’t have too many of these but today was pretty crushing. My mother had her yearly breast exam a couple Ribbonof weeks ago and they said they needed to do another b/c the technician failed to complete one part, or something to this extent. So last week she had another appointment to have a sonogram and another mammogram done. They indeed found a spot. I think she told me it was 2cm but that it was contained in her milk ducts (which is really good news). So they ordered a biopsy to see if it was cancerous or just benign, unfortunately it is cancer. I never thought this would happen to us but it’s happened for some reason. I have faith that she will be taken care of and we all have our ‘Prayer Warrior’s’ at work. Tonight we’re telling my baby brothers (they’re 11 & 12), the older one is like me (emotional) so I’m going over there to help him through it. He will most likely get angry and become destructive.

I love my mother and things in our past have kept an invisible wall up between us but I still love her. I always wonder why things happen the way they do and why God does what He does but then again, I’m not sure if I could handle the truth! He only puts us in these situations to learn and grow from them so that’s what I will keep telling myself.

I have faith.