Does life really give you lemons?

It twas a long weekend, emotional none the less! Friday was my oldest friend’s birthday, we have known eachother since we were 12/13 and have been friends ever since. She now turns 25 🙂 She’s prego so no there’s no alcohol in her drink! We went to ‘Pasta Land’, or at least that’s what the hubbs calls it. It’s not my favorite but the salad is to die for. Bad service, stressful night, a game of cards, cream cheese bday cake, and 1 tired Faith…all in all it was a pretty good night. Her family is like my own, I love them.

On Saturday I was looking for a chair to do some pictures in but I had a certain one in mind and just couldn’t seem to find it anywhere that was affordable. There’s this cheap used furniture place in the worst part of town that I found this one at for only $15! A steal, I can always paint/reupholster it for next to nothing and I actually saw the same one with a coat of paint on it for over $200. WOW.

Later on that night we had Sushi Axiom, went to see Prince of Persia (amazing movie), and enjoyed Sweet Sammies but best of all on the way home we passed the Botanical Gardens and got a free fireworks show 🙂

And the latest update…sad but it is what it is. Friday we got a call from a CPS worker asking me if the hubbs and I could take a 5 yr old boy, he’s somewhat of a relative but we’re not blood. I told her that I needed to talk with the hubbs to make sure he’s on board and I would get back to her. Well she said to take the weekend and we would get him yesterday or today. We spent all weekend getting a room all ready and figuring out how to rearrange our lives for this child. Come Sunday the mother of the child pretty much ruins everything. So not to go into too much detail we’re not sure if he’s coming or not. I’m upset b/c we  have spent our weekend preparing our house, life, and mostly our hearts for this new chapter. I do know God has a plan but wow this really seemed like a ‘teaser’, like it’s dangling in my face and then it gets taken away. The one positive thing I can take out of this huge letdown is that the hubbs is completely ready for anything and wanting to go forward in foster/adoption. He brought it up, not me! So God does work in melting hearts and maybe this was the path we had to cross to be able to reach that decision? Here’s the hubbs finishing up the bed 😦

cd4…and in pain :(

My ChartI hate pain but I guess over the years of dealing with it day in and day out you get sort of used to it. I also hate that I cannot be a ‘normal’ woman without medication…it really sucks!! I don’t know if it’s okay to be angry about this but it makes me REALLY angry that I have to go through this. I almost wish people would go through some sort of pain in their lives so that they can sympathize with me but then I wish this on no one! What really takes the cake is when a really close friend tells you that she has pain and she deals with it without medication! What sort of ‘friend’ tells you that and implies that you are just being a baby? First off, YOU AREN’T ME AND YOU DON’T FEEL WHAT I FEEL, now I feel better. You know on Grey’s they ‘dance it out’…I feel like ‘screaming it out’.

I have an appointment with the Dracula Nurse this afternoon to see if I did indeed have a miscarriage or if I was just imagining the enormous amounts of tissue coming out of me. Mind you this is the nurse that told me to just ‘give up’ and it’ll happen b/c that’s what she did. ARGH! If I didn’t have a MC than I start my new round of Clomid tomorrow and hope for the baby lottery this month.

I’m so tired of ‘trying’ it’s hard work and I’m pooped! So, wish me luck this cycle b/c I feel like I’m gonna need it. At this point I would give anything to know that I could at least get pregnant. I feel as if we’re on a never-ending set of stairs and we keep getting pushed back to the first floor of this whole TTC journey. We moved forward a bit b/c I actually ovulated but that’s as far as it ever went. Let’s pray for another step in the RIGHT direction.

Sorry for my ramblings but this is how I vent…to save my marriage the strife!